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30-Jan-2018 04:15

If there happened to be a Friday night when all of my friends were busy, and I was stuck home by myself, I’d dissolve into a pool of tears.

I tried to calm this anxiety and fear by swiping on my dating apps, desperately trying to line up plans for nights when I knew I didn’t have anything going on.

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Well, that clearly wasn't to be as dinner party dates became fewer and further between.

"I just think it's really hard when I would want to spend so much time hiding things.

It's too much pressure." "I'm so happy with my music, my health is most important, my family is most important, but at the same time I just want to be happy.

Or worse, having people assume I was alone, and then feeling bad for me.

I know that this is ridiculous, because no one really notices (or cares) whether or not a person is by themselves at a bar, or in a restaurant.That, of course, made me feel even worse, which eventually made me decide (with some gentle prodding from my therapist) to ceremoniously delete my dating apps and take a dating hiatus.